导语：主持人说：美国名校本科申请时，需要完成学校的定题Essay，也就是Supplement（SP），与PS形成良好互补。Cindy今年从国内某知名高中毕业，已获得多家北美名校数学及物理系的录取。本期的文书点评就来一睹她叩响康奈尔的文书真容(应作者要求，仅刊登部分内容)。
康奈尔大学申请PS
Nowadays the Internet, bullet train, and smart phone prevail, yet the residents on Lake Tonlé Sap, Cambodia, could only illuminate their nights with oil lamps.It was what I caught when chatting with a friend of my family who had traveled in the country. Astounded by such facts, I organized a group consisting of me and five of my friends, and decided to make some changes by donating and installing solar lighting systems.
I learned about basic electrical knowledge and then taught my teammates. At the same time, I donated two cases of tools and sufficient safety helmets for a good start. I petitioned to and negotiate with several solar power corporations, and one in Hangzhou, Zhejiang Province generously offered to donate solar panels. Before we set off in June, we had already raised enough money and equipment through four months of hard work for 44 solar lighting systems consisting of lead-acid batteries, controllers, light bulbs and wires besides solar panels.
After a ceaseless boat journey on the shallow and turbid canal, an unforgettable scene suddenly hit my eyes: hundreds of houseboats, or rather, shacks, built with dark-red or brown bamboo, wood and reeds scattered over the boundless lake surface. There we divided into three teams. My partner and I boarded the first home; my right foot sank in between the floor covered by coarse planks and unprocessed bamboos as I entered. Mr. Chan Rum, his wife and two daughters, dressed in worn-out clothes, welcomed us in with simple yet warm smiles. There were no electronic appliances. No decent furniture. All they had were the bare living necessities. It seemed they’ve been living under the same condition as their ancestors hundreds of years ago.
Before we left, some residents had already booked equipment for the next year. After we returned, a teammate has published an article in the newspaper to appeal more fund-raisers and recruit more members, while I have been compiling manuals and finding people to translate them into Khmer and cartoons in order to help local people deal with the lighting system properly. I plan to purchase more qualified equipment, as the equipment installed this time only had a quality guarantee period of two years. Our goal for next year is to install 100 sets, and we are on our way.
康奈尔大学2012-14连续3年使用的SP命题：
Describe two or three of your current intellectual interests and why they are exciting to you. Why will Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences be the right environment in which to pursue your interests? (Please limit your response to 650 words.)
I am a math enthusiast. When I was around ten, I found myself captivated by Euclid’s Elements, though it was beyond me then. I was amazed by the magic that only a few postulates, with logic reasoning, can evolve into a nearly coverall world of Euclidean geometry. I fell in love with math, and it has enchanted me for it is abstract and concrete, profound and simple. I realized the power of math; for instance, number theory can be used in encryption algorithms, and statistics can be used in policy-making. Math can explain many mysteries and I long to reveal the hidden laws of our physical world. I took various math courses inside and outside school, and now I am self-learning Important in equations.
Because of my passion for math, I know the Department of Mathematics at Cornell is a perfect match for me. I once found a fascinating program called Mathgen, which can generate professional-looking but nonsense mathematics papers. The program made me admire its developer, XXX a former faculty member at Cornell’s Department of Mathematics, and I believe the environment at Cornell ? like the program itself ? will be so creative. I plan to concentrate on mathematical physics, which allows me to use advanced math knowledge to get a better understanding of physics. But in spite of all this, I do not want to limit my explorations to math or psychology alone. I am eager to explore various fields. Cornell can provide instruction in almost any study, and the Independent Major program opens another possibility. If I choose it, I can design my own curriculum and do more researches: such a flexible and tailored program can feed my diverse academic curiosity as widely as possible.
《留学》点评
先来看Cindy的PS。首段简洁明晰，直入主题，谈了自己对柬埔寨Lake Tonlé Sap 地区夜间照明问题的看法，并紧随其后描述了自己对此问题的解决。读完第一段，招生官眼前瞬时就可浮现出一个拥有改变世界的抱负，同时非常具有行动力的睿智青年形象。
接下来的两段对问题解决过程所拥有的细节描写非常棒，对当地人的生活状态的刻画，有摄影镜头一般的效果，使文章可信度、可读性都非常高。
跳过几段来看Cindy同学对全文结尾的处理。故事讲完，但事件仍在继续，这群年轻人在柬埔寨做出了可喜的改变，故事情节往美国人极爱的happy ending方向发展，但Cindy显然切实需要Cornell的智力及技术支持，这也是Cornell所擅长并拥有的资本。
Cindy将自己的经历讲述完成的同时，还向招生官展现了一个正在运转，并逐渐走向成熟的项目。末尾一句看似简单地‘We are on our way.’却已给了康村一个充分录取她的理由。
再来看Cindy的SP。这篇SP的首两段逻辑清晰，到位、全面地回答了题目的两个核心问题，并表示出对康奈尔教职人员和资源有不错的了解。
后一段初看有些空泛，实则非常聪明地补充说明了为何康奈尔是最适合自己的。末尾句抓住了康奈尔在常春藤中独有的“课程泛选”的模式，很好地表现了契合度。
何苗
对外经济贸易大学经济外交专业本科，康奈尔大学国际政策专业硕士，在国际实习、留学申请方面有独到的经验。
《留学》点评
故事式开头，有助于引起读者注意。
这句话句式紧凑、信息量大且节奏性强，在段落间起到了承上启下的作用，说明了自己的实际行动。且行动包括了两方面：organize说明了自己的组织能力和领导能力；make some changes说明了具体行为。
先则要列出自己贡献的细节，然后总结自己的阶段成果。
利用短语进行细节描写，短促有力，且非常形象。是非常低调的表达方式。
故事不仅有始有终，而且待续未完，让读者愿意追踪接下来的情况。有助于吸引招生官有冲动参与其中。
enthusiast、passion之类的词称得上申请热门词。后文的几个小编标识出来的单词和词组也承袭了enthusiast，表现了作者对学科的热爱。这些词汇还可作为情书语库哟。
仍然是有理有据、理论与时间结合，并且待续未完的路数。
“我为什么选择你，你为什么适合我。”这是文书中非常重要的部分。很多文书在a这一部分都变成了名校崇拜。其实，举一两个课程或项目的例子说明，比多么仰慕都更有力度。而且，作者再次用plan结尾，一个规划清晰的行动主义者，当然受欢迎。
综合简评：
从文书即可看出作者的逻辑思维非常严谨、总结能力非常强，很善于用简洁紧凑的句式释放最多的信息量。难能可贵的是，作者非常注重承上启下，这是中国学生在写作中比较薄弱的环节。
同时，在文书中适当地表达自己的未来规划和小小野心，对于美国大学的申请，尤为有效。
王众
广东外语外贸大学英语专业本科，英国卡迪夫大学国际新闻系硕士，曾DIY申请资料，了解文书写作。
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